We’ve all been there, and we’ve all done it. Yes, all of us, and that includes you. We are not here to restore our saintly presentations in this exploration of the world-wide phenomenon of ghosting, we’re here to let it all hang out.
If I had a pound for every time a man or woman has vanished into a dating whirlpool of the deepest abyss, I’d be well on my way to that Chanel handbag I’ve been coveting since my early twenties.
So what is ghosting, and why does it happen?
In short, ghosting is when you meet someone who you quite like (or so you thought), and at some point during your new-fangled courtship, they fall off the edge of a digital cliff, never to be seen or heard from again. You are then left wondering did I do something wrong or have they had some sort of brain transplant I’m unaware of? Along with many other very disturbing and intrusive thoughts.
Fun isn’t it? We can never know people’s individual reasons for leaving you as high and dry as the Sahara Desert, but we can speak in general terms as to why culturally this behaviour has become more of a social norm.
People are emotionally unstable. There, I said it. We are living in a time where people are becoming more and more detached from themselves. We are at the penultimate moment in history of running away from our problems, and with so much information swirling around our tiny vortexes, we can and will always find someone who will validate our behaviour, if we look hard enough.
People can hide who they are, until they can’t. Dating applications are responsible for a lot, including meeting real people in the real world to date. This also means, your keyboard-lover has more control over the parts of themselves they wish to share with you, and the parts they don’t. Of course, hiding ourselves behind a self-created narrative comes with an expiry date, and at some point, you’re going to find out that your lover is an ex-convict with 20k of credit card debt. But of course, when you start edging the realm of potentially getting serious about that person you know nothing about, they make haste for the mountains while leaving you in the valleys wondering where the last 3 months of your life has gone.
People cannot make up their minds. In a society of an unprecedented amount of choice of well, everything, people have become incapable of making singular decisions about anything, including you. Do not take offence to this, people just literally have no idea what they want. And instead of facing the music and admitting this to you, or even themselves, they opt for the WhatsApp block and keep on scrolling, while you’re left in bed rolling between two tubs of B&J and a packet of Pringles.
So, why is ghosting bad karma?
Well I’ve been thinking about this for some time, being both the ghosted and the ghostee, I realise that life dishes us our just desserts, so if you’ve ever done it, be sure my darling woman it is only a matter of time before you may your way onto that hottie’s blocked list. If, like me, you believe in the laws of the Universe, here is why ghosting is such bad karma, and why you should avoid it at all costs.
1. Energetic ties
If we do not cut the energetic ties with another, we can leave a severed cord between two energies. This can happen if they or you are unable to move forward emotionally. Before you know it, you’re more severed strings than human being, and nobody wants that.
2. The power of words
Words hold and retain power, using them with integrity and meaning creates our reality. By withholding words, you’re depriving yourself and the person who is being ghosted the opportunity to grow.
3. Unresolved hearts
You never know the path of somebody else’s heart, we can only be sure of our own. By deleting someone without explanation, you could be unearthing the wounds of their past. Be delicate with someone as you would be with yourself.
4. Unable to move on
Some people get stuck in the why, making it even harder for them to heal after a romantic exchange. Yes darling, you could have left such an everlasting impression on them, they are struggling to move on, and lingering in hope for far too long.
5. Unnecessary pain
Our hearts are our most precious things we own, the sympathetic nerve centre to relations, love and true feeling. Ghosting someone who may have begun to open up theirs to you, is leaving an unnecessary pain. The pain of truth may be hard to deliver, but will help them to move beyond the pain far quicker than the unknowing.
I think the biggest takeaway here is, treat people with the same compassion you wish to be treated with, because if you don’t, you’re leaving unnecessary fractures in the sea of your own life, and others.
Until next time bessies.