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The Archetypes Of London Dating - As Told by a Bisexual

The Vegan Male


Watch out ladies, the vegans are about, and they are plentiful. They may also choose to be addressed by “plant-based” or “herbivore”, in case you’re not sure.


I say this as a vegan of 17 years, your diet doesn’t impress me, and it certainly isn’t going to award any fine young suitor any medals.


London is now awash with trendy over-priced vegan cafe’s, long gone are the days of cute community cafes where I could grab a meal for a fiver, but we move on … So between the twenty five pound vegan brie being sold just off of the edge of Borough Market, and the Beyond Burger patty that lives between your Burger King buns, that is where you’ll find him. He, the vegan.


As a devotee and protector of the animal kingdom, I have become quite disillusioned by the range of vegans you’ll find out on the streets of London. I'll outline some of the types I have already had the pleasure to engage with. The five day a week vegan, who believes their part-time commitment is impressive and an impactful way to save the planet, but if you’re a part-time vegan, you’re not a vegan. You then have the ecological vegan, who will eat vegan on the most part, but wouldn’t turn down a beef burger from a mate, as it’s rude to say no to food (I mean, it’s going to get eaten anyway?). Then there is the vegan for my health, that lot are really the worst to date out of all of them. Not only are you dealing with someone with a less-than-interesting reason for inheriting a diet that once started out as a political movement, you're also dealing with a likely eating disorder, AVOID!



Of course there is a broad spectrum of the above, but just in case they didn’t indicate it on their profiles, I’ve also got some top tips for spotting a plant-eating masc, so get your notepads out, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.


He has tattoos


This isn’t a huge giveaway, and it really could swing 50/50, but if he has his tatts out on his Hinge profile, take a good glance, any ‘V’s’ or cats it is an immediate giveaway.


He wears beanie hats indoors


Yes, the beanie hat has never been a particular favourite of mine, not since a gang of youths called me a condom head for wearing one in my teenage emo days. But men who wear beanies in winter, you’re forgiven, men who wear beanies inside on a summer’s day, you are not, and probably vegan.


He’s into yoga


Healthy body, healthy mind - and all that. If he has pics of him downward dogging on his profile, defo vegan.


He’s into Morrissey


And believes he is the only person who has ever truly connected with his lyrics. Enough said.


He plays an instrument


That’s right ladies, vegans like instruments. And vegan men can often be found behind a beaten-up bass or a raggedy old guitar, so watch out the next time you watch your local

Shoreditch grunge band to the hip sway. You may be hypnotised into the lair of a vegan.


Until next time bessies

x


DISCLAIMER


Now remember, all blog posts are for fun, and the opinions in this blog are of my own.


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