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Texting Etiquette

Updated: Dec 12, 2022

Now you all know I am a self-confessed text hater, but I often get asked, what is the correct texting etiquette when you’re dating a guy, or a girl. But the truth is, there isn’t a one keypad fits all kind of answer to this question, but there are ways to identify texting red flags that I believe will save you months of crying-into-your-phone misery. So allow me to spell them out for you.

1. They leave more than 24 hours between texts

This one is really one of my biggest bugbears. I’m totally down with creating space, but this one is essentially them setting the lowest of expectations and standards, from the offset. If you want to get to know me, you’re going to need to engage with me, it is that simple.

2. They say they don’t check WhatsApp much, yet you literally see them on there for 5 hours a day before they even read your message

It does what it says in the title. They are lying, move on with quick-haste, they’re probably talking to their other 50 Tinder potentials.

3. They ask you a question, but do not consider your reply, and start talking about something else related to them

I call this asking without caring. As in, they ask you how your day was, and you reply, telling them how your day was. Instead of showing an ounce of interest in what you’ve done, they proceed to talk about something they’ve done. You’ve found yourself a talker, not a listener, probably best to call it now.

4. They have thunderbolt fingers until you have sex, then you’re lucky to get a text again

Of course, the classic, I’m really into you, but I forgot how to text once I have my piece away. This one is one of the most common. They display all of the right signs one might look for in a mate, they are attentive, they reply in good time, even right away (I know, it is a rare treat in 2023) they even take you to a place that they know you’ll love. The stars are aligned, and so is your vagina. Once they’ve met your golden halo, and stumble out of your apartment at 6 in the morning, they appear to get amnesia and lose your number entirely. The only way I deal with this one, is a straight-up block. SEEYA.

5. They do not respond to your Good Morning text

This is just common human decency. This is the I’m thinking of you when I open my eyes message. Possibly one of the most vulnerable and sweetest texts one could send at the beginning of courtship. This text tells the other person that they are a priority in your brain space, and that is an honour. If they don’t read it, or reply until after lunch, it’s a hell no from me.

6. They blow hot, and cold, depending on the time of the day

This one is quite common too. I call this the on-my-terms texter. They are very good at texting, and the way they converse over text is impressive, they are good at it. But they are also wholly inconsistent, and you never know if and when you will hear from them. We girls like rhythm when our hearts are on the table, so he gotta go.

7. They only text you after-dark

Ahh yes, one of my personal favourites, and one of the most predictable. It’s after 9pm and they are out post-office. They are horny, and cannot bare the thought of going back to an empty bed, and suddenly, they are you're number one fan. They cannot get enough of you, they cannot wait to be close to you. Immediate block ladies, we deserve men showing up for us in their best suit, not their after-party mess.

8. They send more dick pics than face pics

Well, this one is obvious and needs no explanation. If you’ve seen their dick over WhatsApp before you’ve even met them in person, you’re likely dealing with a narcissist, how else are they going to assume you want their bulging membrane in their camera roll? It’s an absolute no ladies.

9. Their life appears to be a mini-drama series

This is one of the least predictive, but easily one of the most annoying. This one texts a lot, but they also seem to live within their own mini-soap opera, which they like to update you on, on a regular basis. Steer clear of this sort, as you have only just been offered a small window into a chaotic life of an unprecedented scale, and they’re just trying to set some expectations of what you can come to expect, RUN for your life dear, please.

10. They do not re-confirm your date over text, on the day you’re due to meet

This one is just rude. All dates need affirming on the day, in a City where we are all juggling a million jobs, ideas, and Costa Coffees. Let me know I’m still your day’s priority, it matters.

So hopefully that gives you a small window of some of the texting no-gos. You can learn a lot from a person by reading between the pixels, and it is often a way to avoid months of disappointment, so take heed, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Until next time bessies


Remember, all of the thoughts on this blog are my own, and derived from real experiences.

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