Tales of the heart come in many shapes and sizes. Consider my blog as a first-hand catalogue of the types of “sparks” one woman might encounter in her quest for all-encompassing love, a match for the soul and spirit.
This story is still different from others that I have posted, because it is still an open-ended one. This is the story of a man that swept me off of my feet in one week in a love declaration, and the best part? We’ve never actually met.
Adrian was the epitome of the delectable-male archetype that would have me on my knees, a male of self-awareness and self-mastery.
We met as most young budding romances of the modern world, on a dating app. He was younger than me, which is usually a no-go, but I thought, perhaps it's time for me to reserve my judgments of age. After all, the soul expands the human body?
We exchanged Whatsapp details, and that was the beginning of one of the most memorable weeks of 2023. Our first interactions were relatively normal, the “what do you do for a living” kind of questions. Within 24 hours we were talking about abundance, metaphysical world, and life-long dreams, which included each other.
He was a charitable man, he’d spend his weekends in homeless shelters, bringing stacks of warm clothes and helping out in soup kitchens, and his weekdays working with stocks and shares to learn how to live the free life.
He spoke of moving back to New Zealand one day and building a house, just for me. We’d even created a moodboard of the types of furniture we’d fill the house with. He was a carpenter, as well as an entrepreneur, two skill sets I’d never experienced compliment the other, but he was also a freespirit, with a hunger to see the world.
Adrian was an outer-city folk, so we had to meticulously schedule and plan our first date, not to waste a minute of it. He even asked me what I’d wear to our first meeting. I picked out a Karen Millen classic cut with golden detail, the type of dress you’d pine at through a window, and wonder whenever might be the right occasion to wear it. He bought it for me and had it delivered to my door, “I can’t wait to see you in it”.
His texts would have me hanging on by a heart string, each time my phone would buzz, I would fall victim to his every letter, in a sort of loving-eruption.
We’d talk until we’d both reached phone-fatigue, and we’d message each other first thing in the morning, before sunrise. He would say things to me like “Lucy, I know by the end of this weekend with you, I’ll be whispering into your ears, I love you”, and “I know you, I’ve always known you, we must have been together in a past life”.
I reserved all thoughts, body, mind, and soul for Adrian. It started to feel as though no man before him or after him could ever compare to him, and though my body was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety for the very moment we’d first lock eyes, it was also aching to be next to him.
Two weeks had passed, and our booking to an upmarket wine-bar was ever looming. Three days before we were due to meet, his messages started to dissipate, and the frequency went from every hour, to twice a day, and I started to wonder if he had cold feet, which in turn gave me cold feet.
Texting etiquette as mentioned in previous posts, has its own delicate set of implicit rules, and pace and timing it’s own unspoken language, I feared the worst. Adrian reached out to me 48 hours after he’d gone cold, and 48 hours until our first meeting.
This is where fate had decided to somewhat intervene, “I’m sorry I’ve gone quiet, I’ve just found out someone in my family has passed and I have to fly out to New Zealand”. Believing him whole-heartedly, he sent a follow up text the next day “I’ll be in touch when I’m back, if you’d still like to connect”, I didn’t even have to think about my response, not meeting him was never an option “I fully understand, sending you so much healing, I’ll wait”.
The coming week offered up an unexpected duality, while Adrian was still away, I received a call from my sister to alert me that my great-aunt had passed. There was a synchronicity to our experiences, as we were both faced with the cycle of life and death, and though we were processing our own versions of loss, we were doing it while still carrying a flame of knowing, an inner-glow of curious, yet unconditional love for one another.
The day Adrian landed back in the UK, he dropped me a message to let me know he’d arrived safely. We had both experienced our own life-altering shift in perspectives, an uprooting, a type of realignment, in our own individual corners of the universe.
I was happy to hear from Adrian, but in a beautiful, and unforeseen alteration of perspectives, we’d both been through our own metaphysical deaths and rebirths, and the energy was lacklustre, and somewhere in the process, we’d lost the wave of infatuation. He told me he “missed me”, and we both spent 24 hours trying to find ourselves together again, but it is impossible to catch the same feeling, when you yourself are not the same person you were weeks before.
A four-week whirlwind of a romance was slipping away, and though it never really had the opportunity to shine as bright as the light it carried, it had all of the potential, and all of the courage for something transcendental.
Adrian sent a text one early morning, explaining that he needed some time to withdraw, and “reground”. Respecting his needs, and harbouring enough love to want what's best for him, I reverently let him go. I ached for a day or two, but in the knowing that a self-aware soul knows what is best for them. We cannot hold another, unless we are capable of holding ourselves, truly.
A forgotten part of me enlivened when I met Adrian, perhaps his presence in my life was a reminder of the love within, the boundless love that is possible, a vibration, a feeling of pure warmth and spirit. I don’t regret our texlationship, I don’t regret loving someone I never met. Who knows if I’ll hear from Adrian again, but something I do know is that if the stars align, we will find our time to shine, and the world is a better place with people like him in it.
Until next time bessies.